By Jeff Cahlon
Negotiations over immigration reform and funding to begin construction of a border wall with Mexico were at a standstill when President Donald Trump made a surprise announcement.
According to sources who requested anonymity because of the sensitive nature of negotiations, at a recent meeting held at the White House between Trump and Congressional leaders, Trump said, “Don’t worry about funding for the wall. It’s taken care of.”
Some replied, “What do you mean, it’s taken care of?”
“Well, if you must know, I met with my lawyer Michael Cohen yesterday,” the president said.
Trump then recounted his conversation with Cohen. The following is an account of the conversation, based on information received from sources familiar with the conversation.
“Michael, I’m in a jam and I need your help,” Trump said to Cohen.
“Of course, Donald. I’ll get my checkbook,” Cohen responded. “Which porn star?”
“No, it’s not that. It’s the wall. I promised I would build a wall that Mexico would pay for,” Trump said. “Now the Democrats are saying they won’t approve funding to begin construction. So, I need you to pay for it from your personal funds.”
Cohen enthusiastically replied, “Donald, yes, of course, I would love to!”
“Michael, I knew I could count on you,” the president said. “Ever since you made that payment to Stormy Daniels.”
“Of course, I didn’t know anything about that,” Trump added, winking.
“Donald, please, don’t mention it. It’s my pleasure to serve you,” Cohen said. “Besides, I was only fulfilling my professional obligations. It’s one of the first things they teach you in law school: Don’t commingle client funds with your personal funds. Personal funds should be reserved in amounts sufficient to pay hush money to porn stars, which should be paid immediately upon the client’s request.”
“I mean, that’s just Professional Responsibility 101,” Cohen added. “I still remember it from my bar swearing in ceremony. Proudest day of my life.”
Trump replied, “Michael, you’re the best. I haven’t received service this great since my last visit to Russia.”
“Donald, you’re the reason I got to realize the dream of every young law student: paying your client’s porn star hush money from your personal funds,” Cohen said. “I mean, I remember seeing that described in all the law school brochures, but I never thought I’d actually get to do it.”
Cohen added, “And I want you to know, I took the money from my kids’ college savings fund just like you asked.”
“Good, Michael,” Trump replied.
“So of course, I will happily make the payment for the wall, Donald,” Cohen said.
“That’s terrific, Michael,” Trump said. “And oh, one more thing. While you’re at it, I also need you to write a check to Vicky ‘Hott’ Foxx.”
“Donald, I thought you’d never ask,” Cohen said.