Aziz Ansari Writes Sequel to “Modern Romance”; Excerpts Leaked

Comedian and actor Aziz Ansari, whose date with a Brooklyn photographer was the subject of a recent controversial article published by Babe.net, has written a sequel to his best-selling book “Modern Romance.” The following are leaked excerpts from the new book.

Navigating the modern world of dating is tricky. That’s why I wrote my book “Modern Romance.”

Unfortunately, a lot of guys out there are still doing this dating thing all wrong. Never fear, I am back with even more useful advice, practical information, and proven tricks.

To kick things off, here are my top ten dating and romance tips for the modern single guy:

10. Be woke. The way to be woke is to wear a pin signifying your wokeness. This is what is known in dating parlance as a
“non-verbal cue.”

9. Related to Number 10 above, learn how to use verbal and non-verbal cues. For example, pointing at your dick is a great way to say to a woman, “You see that? That’s my dick. You clearly were not previously aware of this, because if you were, you would already be sucking it.”

8. Women love a guy with a sense of humor. For example, when you order an Uber for your date, tell her to use a pseudonym from your TV show (note, this will only work if you have a TV show).

7. Learn how to read verbal and non-verbal cues. For example, if a woman says, “I like your marble countertops,” what she means is, “I want you to jump my bones on your marble countertops.”

6. Get marble countertops.

5. Unfortunately, not all verbal cues are easy to read, so sometimes you just have to do your best. For example, if a woman says on a date, “You guys are all the fucking same,” it probably means the date has gone so well you have reminded her of what she loves about men, but it’s impossible to know for sure.

4. Be considerate. For example, ask a woman, “Where do you want me to fuck you?” It shows you care about her wishes.

3. Take things slowly. For example, some women like to wait until the second date to have sex, also known as after another glass of wine.

2. Two words: The Claw. You can thank me later.

1. Always go with white wine.

Dating is hard, and things won’t always work out. But with the help of these simple rules, women you go out with will always get back home with a smile!

About Jeff Cahlon 7 Articles
Jeff Cahlon is an attorney and writer in New York. He writes political and social commentary and satire. Jeff has had over 40 articles published on over a dozen different websites and has been named a "Top Writer in Satire" on Medium.